im dying inside.

hi.. I'm back!
its been a while..
hmm.. i dont know why.. i couldnt sleep and feels like wanna write something to my blog at this hour..its 04.32 AM here..

well.. do you ever feel like you are so alone eventhough you were surrounded by many people.. hmm.. i feel a bit sensitive lately... theres come a point that i wanna cry for no reason sometimes...
i think about people i love, but do they feel the same? actually i dont expect them to do the same towards me.. i understand that people change and theres always a reason for them to change, i live alone here.. hmm... not alone actually.. but i live far from my family.. and i have a family here.. friends that i choose to be my family.. i dont know what is friggin wrong.. i feel strange.. something is changing and you dont even friggin know how to expressed that. thats upset. i feel so WEAK ! GEEZ! so FRAGILE! i find it hard to describe this by words. help me for godsake.



i love all my friends.. i love to make them happy even if i have to be silly just to make them laugh (thats what are friends for). but please do respect me sometimes. dont come and go as you like only when you need me. sometimes i feel like being mistreated,misplaced & misunderstood just like Pink. #justsaying

i love you brother,but please be a lil bit mature and stop making your parents worry bout you. just take my positive words and dont tell me to shut the f up. that's so rude. i feels like crying!

lovely daddy, please stop accusing me by doing something negative, you know i took care of myself really well, i party, i drunk but im not addicting to drugs or get a one night stand with other guys like my other friends did. i know you are tired and i understand how you feel..but just pleaseee..dont involve me and blaming me because of your son.. you know it upsets me.. :'( dont make me think if it has no differences between doing nothing and something.
i love you daddy..

sometimes i think that i better be alone and it will be much better if i dont care about anything or anybody, the less you care the less you will get hurt.. who the hell cares bout you, God is all you need, but im just a human with a feeling & mind, i cant put all my feelings aside to be happy and to erase my mind & forget like it didnt happened. but through all the experiences, the problems, i dont wanna seem so weak..im sure i will be much wiser, stronger than i am right now. this heart has been played and abused but see? it still works.

it is a lesson for me to be a goodfriends, siblings and a parents later on, because i have put my shoes on.

- life is a journey, sad but true.