Thursday, May 17, 2012


dammit! alright! i had write alot about what has been on my mind.. then suddenly it all disappear! so! im gonna overwrite this again! well.. shit always happen sometimes.. errrr

sooo.. sometimes we lost ourselves, losing our mind.. staring the reflection in the mirror.. realised why we have to did this to ourselves.. being fear of every possibility that might comes... fear of society.. fear of moving on, fear of being you.. the best of you.. well its not easy to follow our heart tho.. then one day.. it might comes the day when you realise and regret of the decision which you should have take or decide in the past..
people can say anything... they can tell you what to do.. but in the end we dont live to please anybody.. instead of thinking why you're not good enough for everybody.. better start to be the best of you.. be gorgeous, be fabulous, be smart, be pretty, who are you not to be ? people might say you're naive, impossible.. so? lololol! whatever we do is never good enough for everybody anyway.. they will either like it or hate it.. dont give a shit about people who gives shit to you. people are just people and who are they to even judge you.. sometimes we tried so hard and keeps torturing ourselves in order to fulfill their fckn wish and hoping that they will like it. well. . . are you happy ? prolly nope.. pppphhhhhtttttttt im gonna sayy hellooooo f*ck yea society!! society kills! kills every the best things in you, yourself. f*ck discrimination. f*ck social grades, f*ck everything that make you feels like a loser. ok . im done. im talking like im losing my mind. rofl. well the point is.. take the positive point, let it be the reason for you to being motivated, whatever or how sucks it is..just keep remind yourself everyday that you're going to be amazing! cause you are born to be! yeah! umm.. keep in faith! welcome transformation, revolution, or whatever it is! *salute!

Thursday, September 8, 2011


the arts about writing is you can pour out your feelings when you got speechless. its the things that you dont want anybody to know but you want them to feel it. even if how sucks your writing is, you just say whats on your mind, your heart, and you dont need any feedback.

hmm,..merupakan suatu kepuasan juga sih,,bisa mengungkapkan semua isi hati ke dalam tulisan..yahh bisa dibilang sedikit lebih lega..karna ga semua isi hati itu bisa diungkapkan secara semua orang bisa menjadi pendengar yang baik juga..
yahh bisa dibilang nulis diary gitu kali yah. haha..

kadang abis nulis gue suka minder dan bertanya-tanya "apa sih yang gue tulis" tapi yasudahlah yaa.. seperti sekarang ini nih gue lagi ngerasain..hahhaah.. what the hell im talking about...??? ok i talk about writing. OKE mulai ga jelas. hati gundah gulana makanya nulis-nulis biar ga terhanyut dengan perasaan. HAHA. OUCHHH..!!!

emank susah ya kalo harus berpura-pura jadi kuat kalo emank lagi ga kuat.. gak gak kuat..gak kuatt.. #nyanyi. ya mau gimana lagi kan boi.. namanya hati itu ga bisa bohong..bisa sih gue ngelabui pura-pura seneng di depan orang-orang sekitar gue.. tapi gue ga bisa booong donk ama diri gue sendiri..dan masa iye gue musti ngasih tau ke orang-orang kalo gue lagi sedih,,so lameee.. ya pengennya sih, when i say im fine, im okay, i want someone to hug me and say 'i know you are not okay'. HAHAHAHAAH cicieeekieuwww... ngimpi kali yee...HAHAHA... apaan sihh floo... !@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@

yasudahlah ya.. noh kan dari omongin apa jadi melenceng kemana ini topik. nah enaknya gini nih kalo writing itu let it flow ajahh,,follow the flow.. eaaaa... berasa ngobrol-ngobrol ama diri sendiri gitu deh,, tapi fun kok. hahaha

yasudahlah okebyeee...

im dying inside.

hi.. I'm back!
its been a while..
hmm.. i dont know why.. i couldnt sleep and feels like wanna write something to my blog at this hour..its 04.32 AM here..

well.. do you ever feel like you are so alone eventhough you were surrounded by many people.. hmm.. i feel a bit sensitive lately... theres come a point that i wanna cry for no reason sometimes...
i think about people i love, but do they feel the same? actually i dont expect them to do the same towards me.. i understand that people change and theres always a reason for them to change, i live alone here.. hmm... not alone actually.. but i live far from my family.. and i have a family here.. friends that i choose to be my family.. i dont know what is friggin wrong.. i feel strange.. something is changing and you dont even friggin know how to expressed that. thats upset. i feel so WEAK ! GEEZ! so FRAGILE! i find it hard to describe this by words. help me for godsake.

i love all my friends.. i love to make them happy even if i have to be silly just to make them laugh (thats what are friends for). but please do respect me sometimes. dont come and go as you like only when you need me. sometimes i feel like being mistreated,misplaced & misunderstood just like Pink. #justsaying

i love you brother,but please be a lil bit mature and stop making your parents worry bout you. just take my positive words and dont tell me to shut the f up. that's so rude. i feels like crying!

lovely daddy, please stop accusing me by doing something negative, you know i took care of myself really well, i party, i drunk but im not addicting to drugs or get a one night stand with other guys like my other friends did. i know you are tired and i understand how you feel..but just pleaseee..dont involve me and blaming me because of your son.. you know it upsets me.. :'( dont make me think if it has no differences between doing nothing and something.
i love you daddy..

sometimes i think that i better be alone and it will be much better if i dont care about anything or anybody, the less you care the less you will get hurt.. who the hell cares bout you, God is all you need, but im just a human with a feeling & mind, i cant put all my feelings aside to be happy and to erase my mind & forget like it didnt happened. but through all the experiences, the problems, i dont wanna seem so sure i will be much wiser, stronger than i am right now. this heart has been played and abused but see? it still works.

it is a lesson for me to be a goodfriends, siblings and a parents later on, because i have put my shoes on.

- life is a journey, sad but true.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

just a random letters to J'daddy

there's a time i wondered my life in You...

its all...about...5W 1H..




who i belong to..of course i belong to You..
whats the purpose in my life? is it You..? do you really planned it for me? (hmm.. but i have no doubt in You, just a humanity thought..)
where is the ...

errrmm.. laptop battery drained... to be continued//


Dad, Mom..
I miss you both..
you're the best gift i ever had from God.
I thank God for giving me a parents like you.. where there is a chance for me to lives, to feel your love and care.
thanks for all the efforts you did for me to took care of me, to provide me, to taught me.. now, ive seen the world and i just knew if you,family which i need the most, which i love the most.. I MISS AND LOVE YOU DAD,MOM ! :'(

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

love love love is it love ?

you know what love is,
first you act silly and the world became so blueee alias galau...
then what you wanna do is to hearing from them and once you got their texts, you will jumped off from the bed and scream aloud like an idiot and smile all day long, you will always re-read his texts or bbm! ROTFL!!!! you always wish him to text you first. when he didnt text you then you started to think "OH CHEESE & FRIES!! HE'S NOT THAT INTO ME :( there you are! the galau attack!! LOL!"

well according to my point of view..hmmm lets compare and see the fact..
i think.. nowadays there are so many girls are became more aggresive than a men, maybe this is what they called "emansipasi wanita" but i dont think thats a good way to get his attention, and i dont think i should be one of them, i think a girl should be treated as a princess/queen LOL. if a men really into you then he will show their effort to get your attention. agree?? just wait him to find you,well.. im not talking about pride, but sometimes we really gotta sacrifice what we feel and start to use our little brain. think real and dont be such a naive. be honest.. ive been sacrifice my feeling though.. :P you know i once got crushed to someone when i first met him... i dont know if im just admiring or real into him, when we both text to each other..i just reply as simple as it is.. i dont know what had happened to me that time..i just blank and dont know what to say.. LOL. i tested this feeling and try to put aside this damn blue/galau but still he really drives my curiousity. could you imagine that we didnt get in touch with each other but i still keep having my crush on him? lol. stupid me. but im still stand in the box, i know my ability, i think its impossible to have him though. :P so i just hiding myself and watch him from a distance.. lalalala.. you can call me 'his secret admirer or whatever' haha.. oohh stop it floo..!! thats kinda disgusting! lol..well you see?? i just told you to stop being naive but im the one who is naive!! NAHH !! i dont really know what love is but i think THATS A LOT LIKE LOVE! but still.. i wont let myself to catch them instead of let them to catch me. Girls! remember this quoutes " if you love them then set them free, if they come back to you then he is yours! but if he didnt then its not meant to be!