Tuesday, November 2, 2010
a letter for beloved Grandma
suddenly,i miss a figure of my Grandma..
i dont know whats bring my mind to her,
i cried like a baby.. missing her.. I miss her so much..
she's the best i ever had as my Grandma,,
she's very good in cooking, i love and miss her homemade food especially her homemade bakcang and otak-otak..
so sad if i couldnt taste her homemade food anymore..
i never forget how she treat and babysitting me when i was a kid.
when i think of her, this tears just wont stop and it successfully make my heart broke into pieces.
every words that she said to me is still deeply remain in my mind and truly saved in my heart.
i miss the time when i visit her at hospital, she asked me, "awen, u've grown up and u got a long hair now, did u come with your boyfriend?" i laugh but inside im dying. i said, "no, i came here alone and i have no boyfriend". she staring at me and she seems very hard to breath". all of us know that she will go and even the Doctor said if her condition is very poor and wont be lasting for 2-3 months.
i know that she's afraid and pessimist with her illness. none of us have the courage to tell her the truth. everyone are assured her if she's gonna be okay.
everytime i visited her, she always ask me the same question.. "who brought u here? boyfriend??"
when i was there,i always gave her a massage and feed her everytime.. she always said "sighhh, poor me..im gonna die soon" but i always try to encouraging her "no grandma, u r okay, u r going to be fine, u just need some rest and have the medicine. come on grandma i miss ur otak2 and bakcang, promise me that ure gonna be fine and cook some delicious food for me."
then she told me if she is recover, she will cook some and send to jakarta. she told me if she's gonna celebrate her birthday and cook ayam kampung which is her favorite dishes and she wants to invite all her relatives".
before i go back to jakarta, i tell her "grandma, u will keep ur promises, if u will fight for ur life and will recover soon, so we gonna celebrate ur birthday and u will cook for me". she totally agree and say... 'remember what i say, be a good girl'
i say yes and quickly turn my back and wipe off my tears."
then i go back to jakarta, for just a month, suddenly my dad ring me and said "she's gone" i quickly booked the ticket to get back to hometown. arrive in rumah duka and i dont want to walk in, i just stay outside the rumah duka but everyone insist me to see her for the last time. i walk in and i see her photograph, i couldnt bear my tears, i thought im strong but i cried hard enough and said "why all of u insist me to see this! she is gone! i am mad with her! she promise me if she will recover, celebrate her birthday and cook for me!! then everyone's crying when they heard what i just said..
i dont know why, till this day, everytime i remembered her, i will still cry and feel kinda mad but maybe im mad with myself because i miss her so much.....
Dear beloved Grandma...
i wonder how r u there..
i will not forget u and i will always think of you..
i adore u so much and i miss the time when i rub your back and give u a massage and u said u like it,
each words that you spoke to me will always remain in my heart...
im sorry if im mad to myself because im still remember our promises,
im sorry if i cant accept the fact that you are gone too soon,
im sorry if i didnt know how u feel when you are hardly fight with your illness..
now, i realise if you must be happy there, because you wouldnt feel the pain anymore,, but all i want to say is "I always think of you, I miss your homemade food and I Love you and i am proud to have you as my Grandma, because of you i learned how to cherish a life and love my family especially my daddy and mom."
thank you so much Grandma..
from ur beloved grandchildren (awen)